12.10.2009

Love Life Gone Sour?? Rekindle Your Friendship! (Guest Blogger - Mariel "Or so she says...")

Hello, Love Actually readers! What a fun blog this is! So fun, in fact that the readers of "Or so she says..." keep telling me about it! Of course, I had to check it out and now I'm a fan too! My name is Mariel, by the way. I am the co-author of "Or so she says...," a blog I write with my cousin, Jessica. It's a fun blog, updated every single day with a new idea for women! We do posts on relationships, parenting, recipes, fashion, health, holidays, you name it! And we always let women, just like you, share their ideas too! You can find us at www.oneshetwoshe.com, come on by! We would love to have you! We actually have a massive giveaway going on right now too, with 14 adorable shops giving away prizes...all you have to do to enter is leave a comment!

So, today I thought I would stick to the "love" and "relationships" theme of this blog and share one of our previous posts...


It's been a long day. You've changed 43 poopy diapers, 27 of which were full-on blow-outs. You swept up cheerios, grass, and McDonald's toys at least 15 times already. You've made several small meals for the kids, listened to endless complainings and wants, and still haven't showered. There is mold growing on the grout in your shower, dust on the blinds, piles of laundry, and the garbages are overflowing. You start to notice that your armpits stink, and there might possibly be mold growing on you.


You begin to organize the 3 foot stack of papers on the kitchen counter....throw some out, file others, hang some on the fridge, etc. Meanwhile, a little rascal spills orange juice on the floor then slips in it and cries. Another kid is begging for you to take him to his friends house. You lose your organizing focus and realize you have been eating half the pan of brownies that was left out. You wish for a second that you were bulimic but instead decide you are done eating for the rest of the day...except for green beans.

You clean up the orange juice, wipe away tears, and run the dude to his friends house and run out of gas. The cell phone rings and the school needs you to make 3 dozen cookies for the end-of-the-year party, and could you attend to help out? Ugh, another poopie diaper. You can smell it all the way home. At least for a while...then your nose just gets used to it.
You pull out the Hamburger Helper and suddenly, the man responsible for all of this madness walks in the door, drops another foot of papers onto the pile, grabs your butt and asks if you have a minute. You look at him like, "Are you kidding me?" He tells you that it has been 2 days, 6 hours, and 39 minutes since "it" happened last and he's sick of waiting. You give him a nasty look and he gets upset and says that he's not in the mood anymore. Your nasty look ruined it. He's mad. At least the brownies were good.

He goes and turns on golf, super loud, and falls asleep. You go turn it off and he instantly wakes up and says he was watching it. You roll your eyes, sweep the floor again, and then roll your eyes some more. Not only have you had a stressful day but the hubby thinks your a jerk and isn't helping out at all. Ugh...what to do? Run away while everyone is sleeping? See if Wal-greens sells arsenic? Curl up in the fetal position and suck your thumb? You purposely let your husband stay mad so you can avoid "pleasing him" as long as you can. Cause, frankly...you're too tired and so not in the mood. You're even thinking about making him mad again tomorrow.

Please say this sounds familiar. Not that it does to me...at all. I'm just totally creative, that's all...I would never be happy to get "off the hook" with my husband. I mean, seriously. How rude would that be? Besides, I'm horny all the time. It's out of control. Oh, and what luck! I found a picture that reminds me so much of us! See below... But, we can't all have perfect marriages, like me...so let me throw you a bone. Maybe you need to take a step back and pull it together. (Note: from now on, I'm being completly serious.) There is very little that is more satisfying to me than knowing that my husband and I are best friends, partners in everything, and are so in love. But, things seem to cycle and I think that's normal. Things are super great until life gets too stressful and busy, and the relationship slowly starts to lose it's connection. You both have a break down and an understanding and it starts to build back up. The key is to continue communicating, dating, and loving through it all and building it back up every time it slips.

Feeling like we are "close" (I talking EMOTIONALLY here) and truly friends with each other is what I need to bring about romance. So, that's what I like to work on. Because, let's face it...sometimes we just have to be in charge of our own happiness. If we sit around all day waiting for a man to read our mind, we would lose all circulation in our butts and who knows what happens after that! I like to bring about situations that allow us time to be alone, time to have fun, and time to talk:

1. Go for a walk together every night, alone.

2. Take a shower/bath together. I love this because it is one of the only places we can be without the kids and the tv on. It forces my husband to talk to me!...and he gets to listen to me!

3. Start a hobby together. Several years back, my husband and I bought golf clubs for our anniversary. We had never been golfers but thought it would be fun to learn together. To this day, when the weather is right we golf almost weekly! It's so fun. It's a nice, peaceful break from the kids and fun that we have something to do together. You could take a dance class, sports lessons, play raquetball, join a recreational team, enter a marathon, hike every mountain in your area, etc.

4. Have an over-nighter with no kids. If you can afford it, get a hotel room. We love to find a fun hotel that's a city or two away and just try new restaurants and...golf. If you want to save money, let the kids sleep at a relatives and have a special night at home. It's amazing how different the house is with no kids around! Order dinner in, watch a movie, etc., etc. (if you know what I mean...)

5. Get in to a reality show or series together. We love to watch...well, lots of stuff...Survivor, The Bachelor, 24, etc. We love getting the kids to bed, cuddling up and being excited about our shows. It adds some drama to our pretty normal lives.

6. Put the kids to bed early. I used to be really laid back about bed times...until I had 4 kids and all sanity and patience goes out the window by 7pm. So, they have to go to bed. If it's summer time, they don't necessarily have to go to sleep but they need to stay downstairs and let me and their dad have some quiet time together. They like to turn on movies, play games, read books, etc. So, they're not too bothered by it. But, you will LOVE having some time alone together!

7. Start a book together. Take turns reading to each other every night.

8. Go to the gym together. Not only are you spending time together, you are improving your health and body! Set goals together and motivate each other.

9. Go out every weekend. If you can't afford it, do it every other week, or once a month. But, be strict about it. Even better, take turns planning the date just as if you were still "dating". One month you plan it and the next he does. The rule has to be "no complaining" about what they choose...you would have never done that when you were dating! Put some thought and effort into planning it. I have an unspoken rule that I don't cook Fridays and Saturdays. So, if we are going to eat...he had better bring home the bacon. It forces us to go out more...even if we have to take the kids...it feels like we are doing something.

10. Give each other a foot rub and talk about your days!

Tell me, tell me, please! What do you and your significant other do to keep the flame going?? (Not too graphic, please!...for those you can just send me an email...)

19 comments:

The Baroness said...

Love all your ideas! After 4 kids I have to say that we have to work a lot harder for romantic moments or even just a moment to talk without being interrupted every 30 seconds. I think one of the highlights for us every week is the after church/after lunch sex. Our kids are still young and think it's mommy/daddy naptime and usually no one calls at that time... so it is great!

Kathryn said...

Great post!! Thanks for sharing!

Aubrey said...

Since our first child arrived just 6 months after we were married and now we have 2 (and will have been married 2 years next month) this is something we have struggled with. Thanks for the great ideas! I look forward to reading more.

Mariel said...

Thanks, Cher! This was fun! Keep in touch...

Sarah @ Spilled Sweet Tea said...

Good ideas! With our new baby we've been losing lots of the romance in our relationship. I think we may join a gym together. We're also hopefully going to have an alone night soon which I think will help.

kyleandkate said...

That is all so true. Me and my hubby are usually pretty good about keeping the romance alive but for the last 2...well almost 3 months it has been pretty dead. I work as a Massage Therapist and I have my own Private Practice and no top of that I work 45 hours a week for a Real Estate Company. Sometimes its slow but other times I am always slammed and it will be days before we see each other, and that is just how it has been these last few months. I also miscarried our first child in Oct and I am still recovereing from it. These ideas are great though, and I know that I need to do them and more than that I want to do them. Thanks for the tips!

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Brigg and Dianne said...

I heard Faith Hill says something to the effect of, "I learned to like football. It was either that or become a widow for the entire football season." I had to do the same thing with my sports-crazy hubby. I learned about his favorite team (the Chargers) and watched games with him. Now we have a tradition (4 years running)of taking a weekend trip to San Diego every Fall to attend a Chargers game together. We also include some romantic dinners and hotel stays in the trips, so it has become something I really look forward to.

Jessica said...

Just found your site - love it.

My boyfriend and I do 2, 8 and 10 all the time plus the walks together regularly.

Every night when we can, we have "pillow talk" which is the time you can stay awake once you lie down in bed. We get all snuggly and talk about us.

Last Christmas I made him an IOU book, 'The 12 Dates of Winter' with fun dates we could do together. I'll probably make the Date of the Month Club this year!

Cher said...

thanks for all your comments.

Diane - I've never heard that quote from faith hill, but I love that! That kinda goes along with my "tailgate party date night" idea. Give and takes keeps it going!!

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