4.07.2010

Taking Care of Hubby after Baby

This is an excellent little reading from The Mommy Files ...

When you’re a new mom there is so much to do every day with your precious new bundle that it is easy to forget where that baby came from, the love of your husband and yourself! A marriage is just as important after baby, and perhaps even more so. In my house, the daddy goes to work and mommy stays home to care for the babies. But babies go to bed and it’s at that time that I turn my attention to my husband and marriage.

(Disclaimer: I know that it’s politically incorrect to refer to “spouse”, but that’s the way I’m heading since I firmly believe that kids do best with both a married mommy AND a daddy.)

But I’m so TIRED! you say. Not to worry, you don’t have to do acrobatics to pay attention to your husband. Working on your marriage (and I will not be addressing the intimate side) can be as simple as sitting together when baby is asleep (in bed, in the swing, in your arms, whatever it takes) and talking about inconsequential things, cuddling together and talking before bed, showering together and talking, just plain spending time together. Finding the few odd minutes and bits together can be more fun than several long hours.

Did you notice what was all the same about those suggestions? Talking. Talking is an essential part of this formula, and not only about baby. Daddy will have more on his mind than just diapers and spit-up. He needs to talk about his thoughts, needs, ideas, too. Men often seem so stoic and solid that we too often expect our men to act like the rock we see him as.

Try to remember all the talking you did when dating, remember how you couldn’t spend more than 10 minutes apart without wanting to call him and tell him this or that? Try to recapture that feeling now, a phone call during the day with nothing more than a love expression in mind really brightens the day!

Does your husband purchase his lunch every day? Have you considered packing him a lunch instead? Not only will this save you some much needed moolah, but it gives your husband a feeling of being special enough that you cared about something as small as lunch. My hubbers takes his lunch to work every day and receives envious looks from the other workers because HIS wife cared enough to pack his lunch (and it doesn’t matter that it’s just leftovers from last night). Try slipping a little note in telling him how much you love and appreciate him.

And don’t forget to praise his efforts in everything from changing diapers to working so hard to support you and baby! Men need to feel appreciated just as much as women do.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!! you wail. Not to worry. The better you take care of your husband and thereby your marriage, the better he will take care of you. When I put the examples here into practice at my own house, I saw a one hundred percent improvement in how my hubbers treated me. This is not to say I was treated badly to begin with, but that the amount of romance that I craved was increased dramatically.

Try to remember the feelings you had for your husband before you were so tired from your babies. They are still there, down deep, and implementing some of these techniques will help bring them up again AND help improve your marriage.

Good Luck!


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15 comments:

gisselle & samuel said...

I love it! I actually dont have kids ... and its easy to forget the little things.. such as talking!
work , after work activities , church , personal progress get in the way.. And the simple things are forgotten . thanks for your ideas!

The Allen Family said...

Thanks for the reminders! Sometimes I get selfish and think "Well, if he wants me to do nice things, he better start and then I'll reciprocate." Sheesh. Makes me sound evil. I'm going to start today. :)

leslie the licorice stick lady said...

Thanks for this post. It has been over two years since we had our 3rd child, but very often I feel so...not in the mood for romance, or I just take advantage of the affection my hubby gives me. I AM SO TIRED at the end of the day or I'm too busy. I think I need to take some of these things into practice to really show my hubby how much I really do appreciate and LOVE him.

One Happy Family said...

So true. I couldn't agree more! Marriage is the center of a family and the best thing you can do for your kiddos is to love their daddy. :)

Bethany said...

I love this post. I just had a baby 10 weeks ago and I know how hard it is to take care of the man in your life when there is a little one to take care of too.
I love reading things like this!

Cambric said...

what an awesome article. thanks for sharing!

Shirley said...

I think that is so true! Talking is so important. I love the chance we get to talk. Although, I need to be better at letting him talk. :) Thanks!

Emilee said...

Great post! So true! We try and get our kiddos into bed by 7pm so that we can have that much needed alone time.

Brandy said...

I so need to make lunch for my hubby...I am due in about 2 weeks with our second and this was a great reminder to keep him up higher on the priority list.

http://spottedsmiles.blogspot.com

Kristin said...

The hubs packs his own lunch...but this is definitely something I could start doing. He works so hard for us after all. Thanks for the tip lady!

Gena said...

I loved this post. This is so true. Have you ever read Dr. Laura's book titled, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands?" It's so great, and goes right along with this. Here's my review of it, if you want to know more about it: http://becoming-rose.blogspot.com/2010/01/2010-book-2-proper-care-and-feeding-of.html I can honestly say since I've tried to put more time and attention into my husband (your blog helps foster those ideas too, thank you), I see a huge change in the way my husband feels about himself and me! It's wonderful!

Annalisa said...

i agree. its way better to think of the husband before getting too tired.

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Paige Bailey said...

Hi Cher, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. I love your site, blog, everything! The ideas you use. You and others linked to your ideas have saved my marriage. As high school sweethearts we've been together for quite some time. After 3 years of marriage, military life, and a child, we were losing that flame. He was incredibly unromantic. I was absurdly misunderstanding. No communication. He got up before I was awake. Came home from work. Ate, showered, and I was asleep before he could even hit the pillow. Our life was incredibly boring. We needed flame. Even though we knew we would never leave each other. We were bored with our life. You gave us that flame. Not only have we regained the friendship in our marriage, but our relationship is even better than when we were dating. We look forward to our weekly dates away from our daughter. There are always little things going between us. You change lives, in the best way possible. You save marriages. You change people for the better. What you do has a major impact on relationships. So when my girlfriends complain and get discouraged with their bf/hubby/partner I steer them your way.
So THANK YOU! God Bless You!
Air Force Wife
Paige